I’m Backk!

I’m backish!!! That was quite the experience. You never want to appear to be injured around a bunch of rapists and murderers. You never know how that may end. I’m almost back to 100% with no stab wounds, and my butthole still a virgin.

Let me explain what getting sick in here looks like. When you feel like you’re coming down with something — or in my case, wake up and can’t move — you need to submit a medical form, which can take up to three days to answer. So I hope your illness isn’t urgent.

Here’s what I did. I pressed the little button in my cell and told the CO that my left hand was numb and I was having pain in my shoulder. This got the process sped up. They don’t know if I’m having a heart attack, stroke, or something else.

Once I got to medical, I told them the symptoms I was feeling, and they confirmed it sounded like a pinched nerve. They gave me a prescription for a muscle relaxer, Tylenol, and ibuprofen. These meds get given to me at a specific time by COs and nurses, called Med Time.

Now let me tell you a secret. None of this shit is free. Every time you go to medical and put that blood pressure cuff on, they charge your account ten dollars. Oh, you need meds too? Great, that’s another five dollars for each med for a thirty-day supply. So me pinching a nerve cost me twenty-five dollars.

Oh, you don’t have money in your account? It’s okay, because they’ll wait for payment. As soon as one of your loved ones puts money in that account, they take half before we even know it’s there. That’s why no one is in a rush to go to medical, fr. I’ve seen people bandage their own stab wounds instead of paying that tax. Some people just can’t afford to get sick or hurt.

I don’t want this for you, so do me a favor. Be smart, and please — stay free!

-TJ