3 Hots & A Cot

Today is Friday, August 28th, 2026. Breakfast was pancake bread, syrup, Cheerios, and milk. One thing for sure, two for certain: while in jail you will get 3 meals and a cot. I can’t say “3 hots and a cot,” because I’ve been to a jail in Oklahoma that feeds you baloney sandwiches every night. For the outside world that loves food and loves to eat — jail is not the place for you. Yes, we get 3 meals every day, but I promise you, some of the food you get you wouldn’t even serve to a pet pig.

The food that is decent, you get a child’s portion. Like when we get chicken nuggets — I hope you aren’t hungry, because you’re only getting 6. And I hope you’ve got food in your cell from canteen, because here, nuggets are a dinner tray.

Dinner is at 4:30pm, and we don’t get breakfast till 6:30 the next morning. Canteen, for people who don’t know the term, is a place you order from if you’re blessed enough to have someone put money on your account. I’m going to keep the explanation of canteen brief, because the rules are different in every jail and every state, but the idea is the same.

One thing you can’t buy on canteen, however, is a mat — or a “cot,” as they call it. Bro, these mats are so thin you’re basically sleeping on the metal bunk. Being forced to sleep on them for years at a time is borderline cruel and unusual punishment — that s**t is extreme. Especially if you are a big boy or girl. I’ve seen cases where they have to give certain people 2, because they’re so thin. And please don’t mention a pillow — those don’t exist in this world.

I’ve been to some places that have them, but it’s rare — like breaking the law for years and not being caught. Anyways, now they’ve created a mat with what they call a built-in pillow. Just imagine sleeping on SpongeBob’s stomach after he ate a Krabby Patty. That’s right, it don’t exist.

So in summary: if you enjoy eating an adult portion of food without other people’s hair in it sometimes. Sleeping in a real bed, with real sheets and blankets that aren’t gray and don’t make you itchy. Plus, have a pillow. I suggest you Be Smart and Stay Free.